When Time Doesn't Seem to Be Enough

As a self-confessed bibliophile, I have this moleskin wherein I write all the quotes that strike my soul whenever I read books. In accordance with this week's serenity, let me just share this piece from Mitch Albom's Timekeeper.

Last January, I lost one of my closest aunts to cancer. My Tita wasn't given ample time to wage her battle, her's was an abrupt case. It was in mid-December when she was hospitalized for recurring back pains. What we thought was a mere form of arthritis turned out to be Stage IV lung cancer. She was a selfless woman who devoted most parts of her life serving as a pastor's wife as well as a mother to my 5 cousins. I thought she would survive since her family relied on her so much. God had a different plan. Three weeks later, she passed away.

I didn't know that Winter's death would follow two weeks after. Even if I knew that he wasn't in a prime state after being diagnosed with several conditions, I ruled out the possibility of his death. I was ready to fight and I thought his body would do the same. I refused to believe that he could be taken away from me because in my "imagination", I would have 8 to 10 dogs upon acquisition of my own home and Winter would serve as the Kuya. Again, God probably said, "Child, it's not supposed to be that way."

When death knocks unexpectedly, you will have this urge to ask and mutter, "Why them? They don't deserve such and such." My Tita, when she was still alive, steered clear from things that could harm her health while Winter was perpetually pampered in our house. However, no matter how much you analyze, you will still end up with the truth that one's time is uncontrollable after all. When I was a preschooler, I feared death so much. I eventually understood why days were created to be limited. As one cheesy but true adage puts it, life isn't measured by the number of breaths that you have but by the number of moments that take your breath away.  

Living life to the fullest is a two-way path. We can feel as if we are being chased and haunted by the idea that our lives could end anytime and in an effort to make the most out of each day, we might make hasty decisions. As for the other path, I'm still praying that I'll be able to faithfully stick with it. It's the path wherein I'm mindful of how valuable time is but not to the extent that I get frustrated when the occurrences in my life are not that grand (though grandness in itself is subjective as well).

Experiencing loss, regardless of its form, truly serves as a wake-up call. Without loss or sacrifice, there's no way for us to appreciate what we have. I might have lost two significant fortresses but rather than mourning, I concentrate on the relieving truth that their pain wasn't permitted to last.

They might be gone too soon but God's timing is never wrong. We might not understand the reasons right away but surely they will be handed to us little by little in the most unanticipated ways. Entertaining feelings associated with sadness is certainly not a masochistic act but when it's all said and done, it still remains your call whether you'll see each happening as a blessing or fiasco.