As a self-confessed bibliophile, I have
this moleskin wherein I write all the quotes that strike my soul
whenever I read books. In accordance with this week's serenity, let me just
share this piece from Mitch Albom's Timekeeper.
Last January, I lost
one of my closest aunts to cancer. My Tita wasn't given ample time to wage her
battle, her's was an abrupt case. It was in mid-December when she was
hospitalized for recurring back pains. What we thought was a mere form of
arthritis turned out to be Stage IV lung cancer. She was a selfless woman
who devoted most parts of her life serving as a pastor's wife as well as a
mother to my 5 cousins. I thought she would survive since her family relied on
her so much. God had a different plan. Three weeks later, she passed away.
I didn't know that Winter's death would follow two weeks after. Even if
I knew that he wasn't in a prime state after being diagnosed with several
conditions, I ruled out the possibility of his death. I was ready to fight and
I thought his body would do the same. I refused to believe that he could be
taken away from me because in my "imagination", I would have 8 to 10
dogs upon acquisition of my own home and Winter would serve as the Kuya. Again, God probably said,
"Child, it's not supposed to be that way."
When death knocks
unexpectedly, you will have this urge to ask and mutter, "Why
them? They don't deserve such and such." My
Tita, when she was still alive, steered clear from things that could harm her
health while Winter was perpetually pampered in our house. However, no matter
how much you analyze, you will still end up with the truth that one's time is
uncontrollable after all. When I was a preschooler, I feared death so much. I
eventually understood why days were created to be limited. As one cheesy but
true adage puts it, life isn't measured by the number of breaths that you have
but by the number of moments that take your breath away.
Living life to the
fullest is a two-way path. We can feel as if we are being chased and haunted by
the idea that our lives could end anytime and in an effort to make the most out
of each day, we might make hasty decisions. As for the other path, I'm still
praying that I'll be able to faithfully stick with it. It's the path wherein
I'm mindful of how valuable time is but not to the extent that I get frustrated
when the occurrences in my life are not that grand (though grandness in itself
is subjective as well).
Experiencing loss,
regardless of its form, truly serves as a wake-up call. Without loss or
sacrifice, there's no way for us to appreciate what we have. I might have lost
two significant fortresses but rather than mourning, I concentrate on the
relieving truth that their pain wasn't permitted to last.
They might be gone too
soon but God's timing is never wrong. We might not understand the reasons right
away but surely they will be handed to us little by little in the most
unanticipated ways. Entertaining feelings associated with sadness is certainly
not a masochistic act but when it's all said and done, it still
remains your call whether you'll see each happening as a blessing or
fiasco.
