A Love Devoid of Complication?

Love is unfair. More often than not, someone in a relationship is always on top of the other – more dominant for that matter. The stronger one always gets to be the dictator; the weak and passive, on the other hand, is nothing more than just an obedient follower. Compromise is a word that’s not in their dictionary apparently. 

Love is also demanding that’s why it’s unfair. It asks too much time and effort from a person. If ever a man fails to spend hours with his significant other, he can be already accused of taking his girlfriend for granted. 

Love is selfish. And it’s gonna be that way for the longest time possible for so long as it’s unfair and selfish. The guy would forever want his girlfriend’s time or if, the girl’s unlucky, the guy would always choose his friends over her and yet still expects her to understand because she loves him.

Such is an excerpt from my girl friend Aimee’s "Watching from the Sidelines". Aren’t these situations familiar?

In a society wherein a cinema line-up will never be complete without a romantic flick, we have this tendency to measure the grandness of a love story with how dramatic its plot is. What we sometimes forget is that the world’s formula of love is different from the love story God has penned for us.

While we know that God wants the best for us, is there a way for love to not be complicated?

I’m neither Dr. Phil nor a love guru though at 22, I’ve been in a relationship for more than five years now. Prior to that, I’ve had my share of moments when Zedd’s “If our love is tragedy, then why are you my remedy?” was my mantra.

Love will never be devoid of challenges but aren’t we blessed that He has given us the ability to see warning signs?

1. Never be too absorbed with the idea of a poster couple.

Sure, Noah and Allie’s passion in The Notebook is striking and how Mr. Darcy treats Elizabeth is impressive but at the end of the day, their story is different from ours. We shouldn’t settle for mediocre love but we likewise have to check if our standards are still realistic.

2. Physical attraction is the starting point but shouldn’t be the foundation.

We are wired to be physically attracted to others. However, we cannot compromise our “non-negotiable” standards just because we’re that attracted to someone. We can’t say, “Okay, since he’s reminiscent of Henry Cavill, di bale ng nagdi-disagree kami sa maraming bagay." If that’s our sole consideration, surely we’ll end up with a fleeting relationship. When the physical allure fades, will the two of you remain just as strong?

3. Some part of you has to die for the relationship to work.

This, by far, is the most difficult realization. My upbringing is different from my boyfriend's. My beliefs do not always complement his. We have this natural instinct to always be the right one.

The thing is, being with someone is a continuous test of our character. We cannot expect to always be the one who’s being wooed or taken care of. Loyalty and devotion are certainly pivotal but it doesn’t take rocket science to figure out that without one’s willingness to compromise, you’ll only end up exhausting yourselves.

Being with someone shouldn’t involve walking away the moment things become awry for if TWO people work together and choose to be with each other regardless of how mundane some days are, surely they will have a fulfilling type of love. Yes, it’s imperfect but it doesn’t make it less of a love story.

This post has been inspired by Pastor Robert Hern’s “It’s NOT That Complicated” love series. Be inspired as well by listening to the series podcast here.